TB.

In case you haven't heard, the World Wide Leader will be airing a documentary titled "The Brady 6" that will air tomorrow night at 8 PM ET. In addition to highlighting the grudge #12 still holds for being the 199th pick in the 2000 NFL Draft, the documentary will also take a look at the careers of the six quarterbacks taken before him that day. Try to name them before clicking on previous link.

Since we are on the subject, I felt it is appropriate for me to answer to some of my critics here at Garbage Minutes. I’ve recently received messages of both a mean-spirited and sarcastic nature challenging me, one of the all-time great Tom Brady apologists, to go ahead and try to defend his latest haircut/headband/dancing at Carnival situation. Many of these emails and texts seem to suggest that there is no way I could possibly continue to apologize and forgive him after his poor performance against the Jets and subsequently in Rio. My response is this: There is a reason I am on the Mt. Rushmore short-list of all-time great apologists for #12. I didn’t get here by throwing the only person I would ever leave my girlfriend for under the bus when times get tough. I will therefore take on his criticism one issue at a time:

His performance against the Jets: There is a little known theory in sports psychology I like to call the Notre Dame Corollary. The NDC takes place when a team is so successful that the main objective of everyone else in the league is to circle said team on the calendar 5 weeks ahead of time and do everything possible to get up for that game and throw everything but the kitchen sink at them in a desperate attempt to achieve some sort of short-lived glory. They get every team’s best shot, every night, no exceptions. (If you’re trying to think of an example, think Duke Basketball) Well, it should not surprise you that the Patriots are that team in the NFL, having taken the mantle from the 90s-era Cowboys. It’s the main reason that the Jets treat the first Pats matchup of the year as the week 2 super bowl while Belichik yawns into the cut-off sleeve of his gray hoodie on the sidelines. On this particular night, the Jets did in fact throw the kitchen sink at Tom and unbeknownst to the world because he is the second toughest man on the planet behind Vladimir Putin, Tom was playing with a broken foot and slightly torn shoulder which caused him to make a couple “below-average-NFL-QB”, or as I call them, “Eli Manning” plays. He still put his team in a position to win but unfortunately the owner would not let him play defense so the Pats made an early exit. Another interesting stat from this game is that Tom Brady has three more super bowl rings than Rex Ryan will ever win as a head coach.

His dancing: In certain parts of the world that Tom has been to and you have not because he is cultured and awesome and you still live with your parents, this dance move is considered so beautiful that indigenous tribes have laws against someone as genetically perfect as Tom even performing the move in front of women. He follows laws such as these because he is a good guy, unlike another NFL quarterback that just walks around raping people.

His hair: Tom’s hair looks so amazing I can’t believe I am even dignifying this with a response. No one ever had to defend Patrick Swayze’s hair in “Road House” which is only slightly less marvelous than Tom’s right now. So he wears a head band when he is relaxing by the pool next to his gorgeous wife and wants to keep the hair out of his eyes. Big deal. You know what is a big deal? Three super bowl rings.