Big Game, Big Heart

Japanese professional golfer Ryo Ishikawa stated he's giving his entire 2011 earnings to the victims of the horrific earthquake/tsunami that has devastated his homeland.  Let's think about that for a second.  First, Ishikawa is only 19.  Show me a single one-and-done hoopster or a first round NFL draft pick sitting out training camp for more money that would do something like this.  Second, professional golfers have to earn their pay each season.  Ishikawa doesn't have a multi-year deal with the PGA that affords him the luxury of hacking it around all summer.  If he doesn't finish in the top 125 of earnings at the end of the year, he potentially losses his playing card.  This dude is legit.

"I don't view this as pressure to perform, but it will instead be extra motivation for me.  I always believe in myself, but because I am playing for the people of Japan, I feel like I will be playing with a greater purpose this year." - Ryo Ishikawa

Grab Another Pinch, Lenny Dykstra.

Former Mets Manager Bobby Valentine wrote a fairly well written op-ed in today's New York Times urging MLB to ban smokeless tobacco.

This issues just goes to show how stubborn MLB really is.  Baseball tries to come off so pure and loves the "national past-time" tag yet couldn't have turned more of a blind eye in the late 1990's/early 2000's during the juiced home-run era that boosted the sports popularity and brought in millions.

As Bobby V. pointed out, smokeless tobacco is obviously banned in NCAA baseball but also minor league games.  MLB just recently started using instant-reply...and only on home run calls, which didn't do Armando Gallaraga any good last summer.

The NBA had no problem banning Caron Butler from chewing straws during games for safety reasons.  David Stern suspends players from the bench for simply walking onto the court during a scuffle, the NFL fined James Harrison nearly every time he walked on the field this year for his hits, yet MLB can't make a simple call to send a solid message to young aspiring ball players and stop something like this from ever happening to a legend like this again.

Cover of the Day

In honor of Opening Day for MLB, here is the first ever cover of Sports Illustrated (August 16, 1954); a quintessential image of  Milwaukee Braves star Eddie Matthews at bat against the New York Giants in Milwaukee County Stadium. 

And some of SI's more recent mid-swing covers...



Also on this day in 1931, the great Knute Rockne died when his plane crashed in rural Kansas. 

Think he wasn't a big deal at the time?  President Herbert Hoover called Rockne's death "a national loss"...you're not that big of a deal, Urban Meyer.

The Garbage Minute Guys would have run through a brick wall after this speech...

Today in Sports History

On March 31, 2004 NFL owners adopted a 15 yard penalty for excessive celebrations.  The penalty was added to the fines previously in place for choreographed and multiplayer celebrations.  That was a real shame, as it ended any more chances of watching a punk like T.O. get clocked at full speed for acting like a jackass...

Head Shakers

Transcendent athletic talent crosses Darwinian competitiveness in extremely rare cases. These athletes are as scarce as they are brilliant. Their abilities are nothing short of god-given and yet, instead of relying on talent alone, they spend their lives attempting to raise their work ethic to that same divine plane. Their compulsive drive is how they show appreciation to everyone that witnesses their accomplishments. They know you can't do what they can do. They don’t just want to win; they want to demoralize their opponent. To break their will. They are ruthless assassins and if you're a real sports fan, you have to appreciate every minute they are a part of your life. If you're lucky, one of these athletes will come along in your lifetime. We are both fortunate and unfortunate in this regard. Fortunately, we have already seen two. Unfortunately, we almost lost one . . . and we’re losing the other as we speak.

The first was Michael Jeffrey Jordan. When Michael unexpectedly announced his retirement from the game of basketball in October of 1993, the shock that swept across America was grounded in the palpable feeling that we really may never see this guy play again. Disappointment was not reserved just for Chicago Bulls fans. Jordan was a transcendent talent that made sports fans around the world feel the loss. Even when you were cheering against him, you couldn't help but shake your head and appreciate what you were watching as he dropped 52 on your team while locking down your franchise player on the defensive end. You didn’t need to wait for historical perspective with Jordan. You knew you were watching history every time he took the floor. With three championships in hand and Jordan at the absolute top of his game, it was a foregone conclusion that he had at least five more left in him. Bulls fan or not, this was going to be incredible to watch.

And just like that, he was gone - creating a giant vacuum in his wake. We weren’t just afraid that we may never see Jordan again; we were afraid we would never see anyone like him again. Watching him whiff at curveballs in his silly minor league baseball uniform made us realize we were being cheated. His lack of baseball prowess confirmed what we already suspected. God had reached down and placed Michael here to stick jumpers over double teams and win games single-handedly while battling the flu. Luckily for us, someone eventually got that through his head and he returned, triumphantly, to his throne atop the world of sports. Coming so close to witnessing an unthinkable waste of ability, a nation of sports fans could go back to enjoying a once-in-a-lifetime talent while assuring themselves something like this would not and could not ever happen again.

Only problem is its 2011 and here we are with number two. Slowly and painfully over the last 18 months, another giant vacuum has appeared in the world of sports. Another transcendent athlete, under unprecedented circumstances, has left us. It wasn’t as abrupt and shocking as Jordan’s departure, but it was painful nonetheless. We watched his seemingly perfect life unravel in front of our eyes. His mistakes, and there were many, were highlighted at every opportunity and capitalized on by every conceivable entity. He took such a beating we wondered if he would ever play again.

I’m not here to defend what he did. I am here to simply point out that people like him walk the earth once or twice in a lifetime, and I don’t want to miss out on any more than I already have. I want to get back to the place where I can one day talk to my kids about him the way my father talks about Jack. The way my grandfather talked about Ben Hogan. We need you back, Tiger.

We have doubted Tiger Woods before. There have been swing, knee, and life reconstructions. After each, we wondered if he was done. If he had lost the physical ability. Lost the drive. Lost the capacity to love golf the way he always had. Every time we wondered, he came back and proved us wrong. I watched him win the US Open in an 18-hole playoff on one of the toughest courses in the world playing on one leg. He was Jordan with the flu that day. I promised myself I would never doubt him again.

But here we are, 18 months since his last victory on tour, and for the first time, I am feeling the way I remember feeling when Jordan walked away. Maybe the weight of the world really did crush Tiger's once-impenetrable confidence and the man that made you shake your head as he was drilling 32-footers in his Sunday red is lost and gone forever. If you haven't been watching, I wouldn't recommend it. It truly is gut-wrenching to witness. This past weekend I watched Tiger chunk two balls into the water and was overcome with the distinct feeling that I was watching Michael Jordan flailing at curve balls again. Only now it feels worse because this man is out there playing his own game and the evidence that we might have lost him forever is right in front of us. It feels like you’re watching Monet finger paint or Mozart play chopsticks.

Like Jordan, what makes Tiger great also drives the vices that could very well lead to his downfall. With Jordan it’s gambling. With Tiger it’s sex. Both seemingly unfortunate by-products of the Darwinian personalities that make them so great at what they do. You can curse the heavens and swear you’ll never support him for these reasons but keep in mind that when Tiger leaves us, there won’t be another to take his place. Like Jordan, he is a generational talent and we will never see his equal. You don’t have to support Tiger, but I do urge you to think logically before you cheer feverishly to rid us of quite possibly the greatest golfer that will ever walk the earth.

A week from today the greatest golf tournament in the world begins in Augusta, Georgia. Every year, a friend of mine runs a Master’s Pool in which you pick five golfers, only two of whom can reside in the top-ten world rankings, and the lowest aggregate score wins. Last year, with the help of Tiger, I came in first place and netted a cool $638. This year, for the first time ever, Tiger won’t be on my roster. Honestly, I hope he makes me look like an idiot. I hope when he pulls on his red shirt Sunday morning he is in contention for that green jacket. I hope he makes me watch $638 spiral down the drain with a couple impossible birdies at Amen Corner. I hope he stops worrying about the uptight golf purists and gets the fist pumps going again. We need you back, Tiger. We’re ready to start shaking our heads again.

First Place Already!!!

Opening day ticket prices have been compiled and ranked I'm actually pretty proud of this. And the Rangers are second only because they open up against the Sox this weekend. And because the great people of Dallas are pretending to like baseball due to the world series run last year.

50% of the staff here at GM believe the Sox will win at least 110 games. Nothing like November baseball in Boston.

(Rays fans, if there are any. $6? Really?)

Roger Clemens Thinks You're Stupid

Mike and Mike, who have been on the air for ten years and have yet to say anything interesting, had Roger Clemens on their show this morning. Clemens broke his media silence in an attempt to pre-empt allegations made in a new book "American Icon: The Fall of Roger Clemens and the Rise of Steroids in America's Pastime" that hits bookstores Tuesday.

Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, including testimony from his former best friend Andy Pettitte, Roger thinks we are dumb enough to believe he never took PEDs. I am well aware that the majority of the population of America is pretty stupid. There is a reason the Black Eyed Peas, Kei$ha, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga are constantly in iTunes top ten most downloaded songs and "Two and a Half Men" is the most popular show on the planet. People are dumb. But this dumb?

I guess we will find out at his trial on April 5th.

Isiah On Ice

Great profile of Isiah by Fox Sports' Bill Reiter. Thomas, one of the most polarizing figures in sports, discusses his exile from the NBA, relationship with Magic Johnson, and where he stacks up against the rest of the men he competed against.

Some interesting excerpts related to his fellow competitors:

“I have no problem saying this at all,” he says. “They're all 6-(feet)-9 and Jordan was 6-6 and a half. If they were all 6-1, it wouldn't even be a question. They wouldn't even f---ing rate. If they were all my size, s---, they wouldn't even be talked about.

“I beat the s--- out of them when they were that big. If we were all the same size, f---.” He stops to laugh good-naturedly. “Make them 6-1 and let's go on the court.”

Isiah refuses to go into his supposed suicide attempt and then throwing his daughter under the bus or any of the monster personnel mistakes he made as GM of the Knicks but the article gives great insight into the mind of one of the greatest point guards that will ever live.

Dream Job?

Major League Baseball is paying two fans to watch every minute of every game this year. The two fans will be required to show up at their man-cave around 9:30 AM in preparation for the usual day games at Wrigley and elsewhere and can not leave until the final out on the West Coast (usually around 1 AM).

Great idea by MLB but I am not sure these guys thought this all the way through. I love baseball more than the average American and even I have a tough time making it through a Marlins/Nationals game. In fact, I am usually completely unaware that they are even playing baseball in the National League until inter-league play rolls around.

These guys can put on a good face and pretend they are loving it, but no one will be rooting harder against extra innings on the West Coast than these two.

I apologize if this blog is slightly bitter. No way the GF would let me do this.

Cover of the Day

Thirty years ago today our 40th President, Ronald Reagan, survived an assassination attempt.  He was shot twice but returned to office just 13 days later.

In honor of The Gipper, here's the Sports Illustrated from November 26, 1984.

Is there anything Ewing is wearing that actually fits him?  No.

One last thing on LeBron for today.  Taken at the Garbage Minutes World Headquarters in Cork, Ireland.

Nature Calling? Bulls&*%.

Last night, America's newest diva, LeBron James, skipped the introductions because he said he had to go to the restroom.  Really?  Several hours of shoot-arounds, team huddles, photo-ops, and locker room time before every introduction, something LeBron does 82 times a year not including play-off games, yet he happens to miss the intro in his last game in Cleveland for the season?

Funny how he didn't need to take a leak when he acted like an ass-clown during Miami's Championship Introduction Celebration.

Living a Lie

LeBron's Tweet minutes before the Cavs-Heat game last night...

Sure about that LeBron?

The Garbage Minute Gals make their presence felt.

Go Western Dolphins!

Good read from the Wall Street Journal about numerous two and three star recruits scattered amongst just a few five star recruits on this year's All-American roster. 

But don't fall for all that misleading information, Hollywood had it right back in 1994 when Coach Pete Bell was able to turn around the Western University basketball program by recruiting NBA stars like Shaquille O'Neal and Penny Hardaway.  Who wouldn't want to play for Hollywood's Bobby Knight?

Stay Classy, Columbus.

Are You Smarter Than This Man?

Ever wonder how you would score on the wonderlic? Now you can find out.

Take the 30 questions in 8 minutes and compare your scores to the likes of geniuses like Chris Johnson and Vince Young.

While we're on the subject, my favorite wonderlic story of all time involving the self-righteous Tim Tebow being put in his place by his peers. You're not in Gainesville anymore.

Today in Sports History

Speaking of betrayed cities, on March 29, 1984 these Mayflower trucks pulled out of the Baltimore Colts facility for good.  Clearly they wanted a better location than Baltimore, so they headed due west for the exotic farmlands of Indianapolis, Indiana.

Clearly, their owner knew exactly what he was doing at the time...or maybe he had just knocked out an entire bottle of Johnny Walker Blue in the hallway before trying to open the door

Nobody likes you, LeBron.

Tonight LeBron returns to The Q for his second and last appearance this season in Cleveland.  He'll surely score at ease, Miami will win an easy one, and the city of Cleveland will once again be given a blow to the chin. None of that changes the fact LeBron has forever tainted his legacy, no matter how many championships he and his boys will in Miami.

LeBron, take a look at what you've done to Cleveland.  You will never be forgiven.

Where's Waldo?

See if you can find one of the Garbage Minutes Guys at the Duke-UNC game this year.

Mark It Zero, Dude.

Tonight ESPNU aired women's college bowling.  I can't even make this stuff up.  Did I watch?  Considering the real ESPN was airing women's college basketball, of course I chose the bowling.  Spent the time waiting for The Dude to stroll in, order a White Russian, and knock some pins down with Walter and Donnie.

Today in Sports History

On March 28, 1977 these dapper dandies from Marquette beat Dean Smith's Tar Heels for the NCAA National Championship....

Which reminds us....

The Daily Throwback 3/28/11

Speaking of Ochocinco and his feet...

Cover of the Day

Chad Johnson/Ochocinco recently tried out for the MLS's Sporting Kansas City.  First, he might as well since there will be no football next year.  Second, who names their team "Sporting Kansas City"?  If that's the theme, why aren't there soccer teams called "Freezing Minneapolis," or "Drinking Boston" or "Unemployed Detroit"?  Just further proof that soccer will never make it America.

Today's cover is from October 30, 2006.

A Storm is Brewing

In case you haven't noticed, the NCAA has been flooding the airwaves with their bogus "Scholar-Athlete" commercials during March Madness.

One reason for this may be the storm that is brewing over a Frontline investigation that will air tomorrow night on PBS. The Frontline team will take an in-depth look at the multi-billion dollar business of the NCAA. Among other things, they will speak to a former ad executive who brought NCAA basketball to its current height and listen to him explain just how rich he made coaches, administrators, and associated companies. Now, this same executive is bringing a class-action lawsuit against the NCAA to try and get its "amateur" athletes paid.

If you have never seen Frontline, you are missing out. Should be incredible telivision.

Morning Wood: Your Monday Links

I call this the "Post-Decision Chip McDivot Face"

• The Butler/VCU effect: NCAA final four tickets average is $586, down 14% from last year. Finals tickets average is $438, down nearly 30% . . . ticket brokers are not big Ram fans.

• This definitely is not the way CBS drew it up when they re-upped with the NCAA for the rights to March Madness, but some experts think the VCU/Butler matchup won't kill ratings.

• The scene at the Lexington airport upon Kentucky's triumphant return. Turns out Kentucky is a basketball school. The streets around VCU were shut down immediately following the game. Party time in Richmond.

• I was mediocre at best in college physics but I can tell you right now the people in those dumb commercials standing near the Coors Light train that is traveling 94 mph wouldn't be smiling and dancing after trying to catch a full beer thrown from that sucker. There is no good outcome there. If you man up and try to get you body behind it that thing is either breaking your sternum or going right in your chest Temple-of-Doom-style. If you alligator arm that thing and try to just get a hand on it, you'll be heading to this year's halloween party as either Captain Hook or Jim Abbot. Well, anyway, despite their stupid ads, it appears Coors Light is closing the gap on the number two spot in the world of hops.

• Memorable wonderlic scores from the scouting combine. A score of 10 basically proves you are literate. Vince Young got a 6 on his first try. Makes sense.

• Who cares more? John Calipari made himself a cool $175,000 for winning yesterday's game. That is $2,303 per point. Bill Self lost out on a $100,000 escalator, but don't feel bad. He already cashed in on $75 K for Big 12 regular season/tourney wins. And at $3 million a year, Self makes 8.5 times the salary of VCU's Shaka Smart.

• This is what it would be like if Gus Johnson commentated the World Cup games. Sigh. Thats the world I want to live in.

• This 14-year-old USC recruit truly believes Lane Kiffin will still be there in 5 years. Ah, to be young and stupid. Sorry, kid, but you have the same chance of playing for Lane Kiffin as Jim Tressel does of keeping his job.

• Red Sox owner John Henry recently purchased Liverpool FC of the English Premier league from beleaguered former Ranger's owner Tom Hicks for about 15 cents on the dollar. One of the greatest fan bases in the world. Picture Browns fans only their team has a rich history of winning. Just watch these fans singing Liverpool's anthem, "You'll Never Walk Alone". Reason #23,587 you have to love sports.

Sorry if I was a little soccer-heavy this morning. Have no fear. Keanu Reeves' Oscar-worthy performance will make up for it:

Thoughts From The Bench - A Sunday Evening Diatribe

Dying Ink: When Will the Tattoo Phenomenon Fade?

Having invested nearly every waking moment this past weekend to the NCAA tournament, one minor detail became somewhat noticeable: a new wave of talented young phenoms weren't sporting arms covered in random and erroneous tattoos.  Some of the top young players, to include Arizona's Derrick Williams, Duke's Kyrie Irving, Kentucky's Terrence Jones and Brandon Knight, UNC's Harrison Barnes and UConn's Kemba Walker weren't covered from neck to knuckle in random Chinese symbols, cartoon characters or misspelled words.  Having witnessed the majority of athletes over the last decade brand themselves for whatever reason, I wondered if the fad of using tattoos to showcase the trials and tribulations of ones life before the age of 18 was starting to fade away, and if not, when this trend might become less popular.

During ESPN Films recent documentary, "The Fab 5", Jalen Rose mentioned he and his teammates created a level of shock against the establishment with their swagger, style of play, uniforms, and even referred to the tattoo he had at the time added to their rebellious images.  That said, the tattoo Rose had during his playing days at Michigan wasn't even noticeable, even in a basketball jersey.  Looking even closer, one could notice there wasn't a single noticeable tattoo on the arms, legs or necks on the five famous teammates.  Even the other teams that will forever be known for their swagger and anti-establish-mental manners, the Miami Hurricanes football teams of the 1980's and the UNLV Runnin' Rebels basketball program of the early 1990's didn't sport noticeable tattoos, yet were comprised of kids from the same rough urban areas that today's stars emerge from with arms covered in artwork.  Tattoos simply weren't popular back in the 1980's and early 1990's. 

When did this phenomenon start?  Who started it?  Although other random athletics have sported tattoos here and there throughout the last 30-40 years, it wasn't until Dennis Rodman took the practice to a whole new level in the mid 1990's.  Rodman became a different person, at least on the outside, when he left the Detroit Pistons for the San Antonio Spurs in 1993.  No longer under the tutelage of Chuck Daly nor playing alongside The Bad Boys in Detroit, Rodman started expressing himself more once in San Antonio.  The tattoos and the multi-colored hair with eccentric designs started appearing.  When Sports Illustrated ran a cover image of Rodman in 1995, an athlete slightly covered in tattoos first made it into America's living rooms and coffee tables.  That was our first taste of what was about to emerge from within the sporting community. 

Whether it was because Rodman was such an outcast or most athletes didn't want to be in the minority demographic with tattoos on their arms and legs that might hinder their chances of making more money in the endorsement world, few athletes followed Rodman's lead.  The widespread popularity of tattoos took off more so due to Allen Iverson than Dennis Rodman.  Iverson showed up to John Thompson's squad at Georgetown University in 1994 with just one tattoo on his left arm.  Having served time in jail during high school due to his actions in a bowling alley brawl in his hometown of Hampton, Virginia, Iverson was a tough kid from a rough background, but the disciplined Thompson kept Iverson on the straight and narrow during his time in a Hoyas jersey.  Once A.I. left Georgetown early for the NBA, only the second Georgetown player at the time to ever do so under Thompson, he started expressing himself more in the pros.  As an All-Star with the Philadelphia 76ers, Iverson grew the cornrows and covered his arms in tattoos.  Once again, it was a Sports Illustrated cover in 2001 that truly pushed the tattoo culture over the tipping point.  An entire generation of young athletes saw in Iverson a successful athlete that was the face of the league yet didn't play into anyones agenda or perceived image.

Since that Sports Illustrated cover in 2001, tattoos have almost become as expected as the player's actual uniform itself.  By the time a top recruit even shows up on campus as an 18 year old freshman, they're typically already covered in tats.  At first it was just predominately the inner-city kids that connected with an athlete like Iverson.  Then it spread to nearly every demographic.   White kids from the country got inked up.  Kids at exclusive programs were covered as well.  All of a sudden, a player like Carlos Boozer, who was born and raised in Alaska, was sporting tats in a Duke uniform.  If you wanted to either just fit in, had a desire to let people know about your past via arm ink, or simply improve your urban street cred, you had to get some art on your arms, legs, neck, or where ever else one could showcase a tattoo.

Kobe Bryant was raised in Italy by a professional basketball player.  He speaks three languages fluently.  He attended a nationally ranked high school on the outskirts of Philadelphia.  His decision to skip college ball and head directly into the NBA had nothing to do with his financial situation but rather his confidence and competitiveness.  He's stated he reads the Wall Street Journal on a daily basis.  Kobe was perfect for David Stern and his marketing team.  Sprite and Adidas jumped all over the smiling and educated Bryant, who at the time didn't have any tattoos.  Then in the summer of 2003 Kobe was accused of sexual assault.  The court case completely altered America's view of Kobe.  He lost his clean reputation as well as his endorsements.  Kobe was no longer Kobe.  He was now thrown in the same stereotype as so many other professional basketball players, most of whom grew up in a much different background than that of Bryant.  How did the allegations change Kobe and how he saw himself?  He came back with tattoos. 

The tattoo phenomenon has also shined an even brighter light on how ignorant some professional athletes really are.  Feeling the need to fit in within their sporting community, some athletes have ink they might regret just as much as their recent fumble, error or missed free-throw.  Jets running back Ladainian Tomlinson has the misspelled word on "Insperation" tattooed to on his arm.  Stephon Marbury tattooed his jersey number to his actual skull.  Shawn Marion tried to get his nickname of "The Matrix" tattooed to his leg in Chinese symbols.  Unfortunately for Marion, supposedly his tattoo actually translates to "Demon Bird Mothballs."  Stephen Jackson went the religious route with hands clasped in prayer, but they just happen to be holding a gun too. LeBron has the Akron area code of 3-3-0 tattooed on one arm and the word "Loyalty" tattooed on his rib cage.  Go ahead and ask the Cavs fans in the Akron/Cleveland area what they think of LeBron's loyalty.

Considering Dennis Rodman started this revolution back in the mid-1990's, we're riding about 15 years of tattoos being the most popular thing for athletes to do behind crashing on motorcycles their contracts forbid them from riding and creating unaccounted for offspring.  How much longer will it continue?  No telling.  Maybe the few star athletes that haven't partaken, such as Dwight Howard, Tim Tebow, Jason Heyward, and those aforementioned college basketball studs are starting the newest fad; making it cool to not cover yourself in egotistical ink.  Then we can all move on to just hoping basketball players stop doing this everytime they make a 3-pointer.

Just Like My Bracket

This guy's bracket is currently #1 on ESPN.com's bracket challenge. If Kentucky holds on, this dude completely nailed the final four.

Luck or intuition? Either way, god bless you, sir.

Gambler Post script: He has VCU winning the whole thing. Still can get great odds. Alright, fine. I'm calling my bookie.

The Daily Throwback 3/27/2011

Cover of the Day

11 seed Virginia Commonwealth on their way to the Final Four?  Not the first time that's happened.  George Mason took their 11 seed all the way to the Final Four in 2006.

Today in Sports History

On March 27, 1994 Magic Johnson became the head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers...one of the more lesser known coaching stints in NBA history.  Magic went 5-11 over the last 16 games of the 1993-1994 season. 

What's worse...Magic's tie or 5-11 coaching record?

Who Gets The Points?

NCAA Can't Bring that Money in Fast Enough

The NCAA can't capitalize off of its "amateur" athletes fast enough. Of course they made Butler and Florida final four shirts, but guess whose got accidentally posted on the website first? I hope you didn't order one before the game was over because you robbed a child in a third world country of a free shirt. (True story: In the spring of 2009 I came across a kid on the streets of Kirkuk, Iraq, with a 2007-2008 Patriots Super Bowl Champions 19-0 shirt on. Ripped the scab right off. One of my all time lows.)

One Hit Wonders

Some things we can always count on from March Madness: Gus Johnson will make everything from a tip-off to a 30 second time-out sound incredibly dramatic, Jim Nantz will come up with another cheesy tag line for the winning team as time expires, real fans will be make it a point to stay up for "One Shining Moment," and a whole new crop of players will become household names...for two weeks.

Here are some of the most memorable March Madness characters from the 1990's that have since become basically forgotten:

• John Wallace - Syracuse
• Shawn Respert - Michigan State
• Saul Smith - Kentucky (Tubby's annoying son)
• Ron Mercer - Kentucky
• Toby Bailey -UCLA
• Tyus Edney - UCLA
• The O'Bannon Brothers - UCLA
• Miles Simon - Arizona
• Scott Padgett - Kentucky
• Thomas Hill - Duke
• George Lynch - UNC
• Scotty Thurman - Arkansas
• Corliss Williamson - Arkansas
• Arthur Lee - Stanford

Toby Bailey - UCLA.  Think hard and you'll remember his hops and XXL t-shirts from '95.

Cover of the Day

Deion Sanders recently criticized Cowboys WR Dez Bryant after Bryant was given a criminal trespass warning for spewing profanity when off-duty police officers working security at the mall asked him and his friends to pull up their pants.  Prime Time was quoted as saying, "He needs help. I told the Cowboys from day one that he needs help. Matter of fact, they have a team in place to help him. But you cannot tell a grown man what to do." Somewhat ironic considering 1) Deion basically cost Dez Bryant an entire season at Oklahoma State and 2) Deion Sanders was known as this guy during his career...

Today in Sports History

On March 26, 1992 Mike Tyson was found guilty of rape in Indianapolis and sentenced to six years in prison, although he only served three years.  Lucky for us, he refined his acting skills while behind bars....

The Daily Throwback 3/26/2011

Charles Barkley keeps stealing the show when it comes to March Madness analysts.  Want some more Sir Charles?  Listen to his reaction to Damon Jones' hideous outfit during the 2006 NBA All-Star Dunk Contest...

Ramblings

Dykstra mullet. Because its Friday and I feel like it.

- I’m trying to pay as little attention as possible to the Barry Bonds perjury trial but its tough not to keep an eye on someone you loathe getting raked over the coals on national television. The fact that California is even spending a dollar on this is completely absurd, but since they are you may like to know that apparently in the next week or so the prosecution will be trotting out Bonds’ former mistress who will testify as to the size of his rapidly shrinking testicles during the time period in question. That slapping sound you hear is Mrs. Bonds’ marriage counselor giving high fives to anyone who wants one. Cha-ching.

- I am outraged at the amount of outrage over the NFL’s new kickoff rule. I heard a San Diego Chargers fan call into ESPN radio and complain that they are taking away the most exciting play in football. What a moron. Will anyone benefit from this rule change more than the historically bad special teams unit of the Chargers? How is watching the Josh Cribbs and Devin Hesters of the world waltz in for a free 6 points every game fun for you? You’re an idiot. (SIDEBAR: Since we will now be watching 92% touchbacks, do you think CBS and FOX will stick with the much-maligned scoring play, commercial, kickoff, right back to commercial sequence? That would mean 7 minutes of commercials sandwiching a play in which the ball bounces out of the back of the end zone. I think America will revolt)

- How much money did Jimmer lose himself last night? Yeesh. Two thoughts on Jimmer: (1) Every time I hear his name I immediately think the speaker is referring to someone Elaine dated on Seinfeld. (2) I feel as though I would like Jimmer a lot more if he was more of a prick. Mormon basketball players are more enjoyable to watch when they act like huge dickheads on the court like Danny Ainge used to. It kind of throws you off when a guy who isn’t allowed to drink Pepsi gets in your grill and starts talking trash. Jimmer, if you need some help with learning how to run your mouth let me know. It’s the only basketball skill from high school that I retained.

- If I were the all-powerful commissioner of sports for the day, I would make all football and basketball coaches from the professional level down to mid-major college conferences take a wonderlic-style test that evaluates clock/game management skill in a head-to-head format. In my bracket, however, the losers advance, eventually giving you the two most horrific clock/game managers facing off in the finals. Is there any doubt this matchup is Rick Barnes vs. Andy Reid?

- Lawrence Taylor was sentenced to 6 years probation for sleeping with a 16 year-old prostitute. Sixteen. So she’s like, what, six months older than Mark Sanchez’s girlfriend?

Happy Friday to all of our G.M. followers. Remember not to stare directly at your bracket when it melts down at some point this weekend.

And don't react like this, either.

Today in Sports History

Today is the birthday of Howard Cosell, born March 25, 1918.

Intriguing interview with John Lennon during Monday Night Football in 1974...

Ironically it was Cosell who announced the untimely death of John Lennon to the world....

The Daily Throwback 3/25/11

Legends.

Cover of the Day

Jimmer on the cover.  Jimmer loses.

The SI Cover Jinx Continues.  Don't believe it?  Do your research.

Baby Steps to Last Place . . .

Apparently Buck Showalter has a few things he would like the everyone to know.

The manager of the Baltimore Orioles and former ESPN baseball tonight analyst told reporters that last season he was yelling at Derek Jeter from the dugout, much to the surprise of the garbage roster sitting in the dugout with him:

"The first time we went to Yankee Stadium, I screamed at Derek Jeter from the dugout," Showalter told the magazine, according to the Bergen Record. "Our guys are thinking, 'Wow, he's screaming at Derek Jeter.' Well, he's always jumping back from balls just off the plate. I know how many calls that team gets -- and yes, he [ticks] me off."

Look, I couldn't agree more. Jeter has been doing that his entire career and morons like fat Joe West have been falling for it. But thats not the point. Does Buck really think his guys will think they're tough and be able to compete in the AL East because he yelled at Derek Jeter in a game in September when they were about 49 1/2 out of first?

More from Showalter:

"I'd like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay [Rays] payroll. You got Carl Crawford 'cause you paid more than anyone else, and that's what makes you smarter? That's why I like whipping their butt. It's great, knowing those guys with the $205 million payroll are saying, 'How the hell are they beating us?' "

Again, couldn't agree more. When it comes to big-name free agency with the Sox and Yanks there is not a ton of science to it. But in Theo's defense, the Sox' average age is 26, most of those home-grown prospects like Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youkilis, Jacoby Ellsbury, Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, Jonathan Papelbon and Daniel Bard, to name a few. They also were able to acquire Adrian Gonzalez by offering the most attractive set of prospects to the Padres because Theo and his team of scouts draft well every year.

I get what you're trying to do, Buck, but all the gusto in the world isn't going to stop Mark Teixeira and Big Papi from hitting bombs off of your garbage pitching staff. So before you start talking about whipping anyone's butt, why don't you just try to stay within 20 games of first by August. It's like Dr. Marvin said, baby steps. This isn't the AL West, Buck. Baby steps.

LeBron rant #6,728

He held an entire city, state, region and basically nation captive this summer.  He let the rumors fly without ever giving a hint.  He turned a personal/professional decision into the most gross exhibit of self-admiration since…well, actually we've never seen anything like this.  His childhood buddies convinced him it would come off cool and his popularity would soar even higher.  Someone even thought dressing him in a purple shirt was a good idea.  Then LeBron pulled yet another one of his famous chase-down blocks….on his own legacy.

He spewed out bogus crap like how this was best for LeBron and good for his family (which he basically left in Akron).  Why couldn’t he have just been honest about his thoughts towards Cleveland like Joakim Noah was?  LeBron should have just recited this after he quit in Game 5 against Boston instead of making us all suffer through “The Decision.”

Cover(s) of the Day

Barry Bonds is back in the news...staring at some possible jail time for the overwhelming shadiness that will forever overshadow his *record of 762 home runs.  Garbage Minutes is here to save all the lawyers and taxpayers some time and money with this case and provide exhibit 1A and 1B, below...

1A)



1B)

 On the topic....Long Live "Hammerin' Hank".

The Daily Throwback 3/24/11

Get your mind right for some more March Madness tonight!

The NCAA: Free Labor and Toilet Paper

A couple weeks ago, I strolled into the University of Texas book store in downtown Austin. I think you’ll be stunned to learn that there are absolutely no books for sale at the book store. Well, maybe football books. Other than that, just 40,000 square feet of burnt-orange-matter. If you can dream it, they probably stamped a longhorn on it and marked it up 30%. I walked around for 40 minutes, completely shocked at the amount of apparel they had filled this huge store with when I rounded the last corner and stood facing the stairs. I was on the 1st of 4 floors. In moments of American excess such as this, I like to imagine the Chinese guy at the plant in Shanghai, working through his non-existent lunch-break, stamping one longhorn logo after another onto random items like pool cues and dog collars while wondering to himself how it is the United States became world leaders in anything. Finally, feeling completely overwhelmed, I decided I didn’t need anything and was bypassing the long lines at the checkout counter when a speck of maroon standing out amongst the sea of burnt orange caught my eye. I walked closer to the packaged product and there, staring back at me on a roll of gleaming white toilet paper, was the logo of UT’s archrival, the Oklahoma Sooners. I can only assume the toilet tissue was an officially licensed product of the NCAA. What a country.

Growing up in New Hampshire, Boston was the only sports town I was accustomed to and the idea of rooting for a college team was as abstract to me as having a favorite NASCAR driver. Sure, Bostonians would watch the Bean Pot with detached amusement but no one really cared if BU upset Northeastern or if Harvard was struggling on the penalty kill. Unless Harvard was going to suit up against the Bruins, no one paid serious attention. Despite the large number of colleges within its city limits, Boston is a professional sports town first and foremost, which made my move to Austin, Texas a summer school-like education in the bizarrely intriguing world of college football.

Cities like Austin and towns like Norman, OK don’t have sports fans like me. Don’t misunderstand me; I love my teams, often to a fault. As a sophomore in college, during the ill-fated 2003 Red Sox World Series run, I would get so worked up about forthcoming games that I would spring nosebleeds in class, four or five hours before first pitch. I’m pretty sure a few of my professors thought I had AIDS. But when the nosebleeds subsided and the Sox were out of it, I could go through the normal grieving period, swear them off until April, pull the Tom Brady jersey out of the closet, and dive head-first into the meat of the Patriots season. No such distraction exists in college football towns. Every loss is a bridge jumper, especially in the college football world where the BCS rankings leave no room for blemishes on an otherwise perfect schedule.

I can tell you from personal experience the city of Austin lives and breathes for this football team. This is their Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins and Patriots fandom all rolled into one. They shut the entire center of the city down to make way for forty blocks of tailgating space every home football Saturday. Forty city blocks and you still can’t find a piece of turf to set up your beer pong table and fire up your Coleman. The first time I walked through the pre-game festivities I was in a daze. I had the sudden, crushing realization that I didn’t understand as much about sports as I thought I did. How could these people be so crazy for a bunch of 20 year old kids that are barely even shaving yet? Why would a grown man get his family up at 5:30 in the morning to grab a 6-by-4 foot piece of ground and start drinking and cooking 8 hours before kickoff? What planet was I on? There were $400,000 RVs and tent set-ups so elaborate it made me want to stay after just to see how in the world they could possibly break it all down and fit it back into their trucks. It was like someone took all those crazy parents from Friday Night Lights and gave them giant disposable incomes.

To these people, tailgating is serious business, and businesses understand that. As I made my way toward the stadium through a 12 block stretch of longhorn-mania, I was handed free beers, energy drinks, wristbands, key chains, pens, coupons, etc., each item carrying a carefully crafted advertising gimmick that the associated business surely paid the university for the right to distribute on campus. It made so much sense. Every home game, the university can offer these businesses a large, captive, mildly to heavily intoxicated audience to peddle their crap to for up to eight hours. At that moment, realizing the football team was making money off something as minute as handing out chewing gum at tailgates, the pro-sports-only guy from the Greater Boston Area made up his mind on something he had honestly never really cared about before . . . we need to start paying these kids.

Go to a big-boy conference college football game and really have a look around. The only thing amateur about the whole operation is the fraudulent label they slap on the very people that everyone came out to see in the first place . . . the athletes. Coming from a strictly professional sports fan background, I always took the pageantry and circumstance of Fenway and Foxborough at face value. I don’t like that the beers at Fenway are $7.50 but at least I can look onto the field and see nine guys raking in $180M while working toward the goal of winning a championship and have a certain sense of where my money is going. Anything that goes above and beyond operational costs, I suppose, goes back to the owners who risked all of their own money when they bought the team. This is America, all the power to them. They’re not in this to lose money, after all.

Yet now here I was, at an “amateur” sporting event, and what was different? Absolutely nothing. From the overpriced parking passes to the vendors yelling a warning to patrons that a game-day program is on the same necessity-level as oxygen, it had the look and feel of a well-oiled money making machine. Only difference this time is there was a collective salary of $0 on the field and no owner to complain about when they crank up the prices on the soft pretzels again.

I can’t begin to imagine what the NCAA and its big time schools do with their money. Maybe they fund the chess club and the swim team. Maybe they pay for their head coach’s vacation to Bermuda. As long as they’re not wiring it to Al-Qaeda, I really don’t care how they spend it; I just know that it’s wrong not to give a piece of the pie to those actually responsible for generating the dollars.

You don’t need a PhD in economics from Oxford to figure out that the NCAA doesn’t stumble upon this money by accident. These big schools know exactly what sells and who makes them their money. You can argue the merits of Title IX until you’re blue in the face if that’s your thing, but try to go into the Notre Dame gift shop and pick out a women’s volleyball jersey in your favorite color. You know, that special one that really makes your eyes pop. Not going to happen. The NCAA can pretend that all college athletes are created equal, but they’re not. You know it, and so do they. The best player on the women’s volleyball team isn’t keeping the textile mills in Taiwan running 24-hour operations; Jimmy Clausen and Colt McCoy are. All those jerseys generate huge revenue that Clausen and McCoy will never see a dime of. The only person in this scenario that may benefit is the volleyball player whose free ride is probably paid for on football Saturdays in the very gift shop where her jersey is not, and never will be, sold.

I’m not advocating making these kids rich. I’m talking about showing good faith to those responsible for lining the pockets of the NCAA and associated colleges with millions of dollars they would otherwise never see. But instead, in their infinite malevolence, the NCAA runs in the opposite direction. They take the self-righteous-BYU approach and condemn athletes for the mere thought of acquiring financial support for all of the tickets, concessions and jerseys they are solely responsible for. The highest hypocrisy of all lies in those cheesy commercials produced by the NCAA advocating the false pretense that they actually care about the “student” portion of the “student-athlete” axiom. The commercials always end with something along the lines of “There are nearly (add number here) NCAA student-athletes, and just about all of us will be going pro in something other than sports.” Yeah, like acting. Those are paid actors! The NCAA even locks the athletes out of their own commercials! It amazes me that people get frustrated and actually wonder why the Derrick Roses of the world didn’t want to stick around for their sophomore seasons.

Michael Corleone said it best. “We’re all part of the same hypocrisy.” If you are going to run Amateur sporting events exactly the same way professionals do then don’t get indignant when your athletes expect compensation for their time and talents. Changing trivial labels such as “team owner,” to “university president,” and “commissioner,” to “President of the NCAA,” doesn’t give you the right to free labor.

Perhaps someday the NCAA will stop the insanity and provide a fair system to those providing the entertainment to the paying masses. Chances are this paradigm won’t shift in my lifetime so your humble narrator gave up all hope and enabled the NCAA even more by going online and purchasing one of its officially licensed moneymaking products. My Navy toilet paper is on its way.